I am a creative writer.
I have to constantly write what I observe, spend time reflecting on my thoughts and then deliver a concise and powerful message that is poetic and poignant. Oftentimes on this site I spend more than enough time looking for something polished to present to the fans, but today is different.
An old creative writing teacher would force me to do stream of consciousness exercises in class in order “loosen the brain”. Lately, my brain is jammed with convoluted, uncertain, negative thoughts. And I need to jar it out. So I, like our boy Nicky P, will be writing more uncensored, unfiltered thoughts on this site as I make my blog more personal and reflective.
‘;’;;’;';’
I feel like the world’s greatest devil’s advocate. Lately I’ve learned that one thing I excel in is appealing to those I am conversing with. I often find myself purporting arguments I don’t necessarily believe in. This makes me hate myself for being too argumentative. Verbosity is a vice of mine.
I know in the deepest parts of me that I have something to say. Whether or not this is a fully realized idea with me is another bag of trouble. I feel pulling from somewhere inknown and unvisible. The only place I go is where I feel I’m supposed to be. This freedom can be a blessing, but it is just as much a curse to an analytical fellow like myself. It is a fickle way to live; not having to attach to any one thing without one day having to use the excuse, “Well, that was then.” But what I am I to do? Should I ignore the forces that drive me to do what I am doing now? Should I resist them and see where it gets me? My instinct tells me, “NO!” My gut says, “Keep being that ‘prick’ that everyone is still magically drawn to.”
Is that enough for me? Can I possibly do better?
I am the first to say, “We can do better!” when thatwasthen gets offstage. That’s not to say that’s the first thing I say, but I’m the first to say it because I strive for improvement. As good as we are, there’s work to do. Thankfully, the musicians in my band are professional players who also serve valuable purposes outside of their instruments and their stage performances. They are graduate professionals, playing the instruments and the game, flawlessly.
So it’s okay for me to strive for betterment. Our band has an insane amount of room to grow and yet has grown so much in the year we’ve played together.
I am proud, yet disappointed in myself. What the FUCK?! How confused can you be? You’ve felt this before, no? So much you’ve done and built. So much to love and appreciate and you’re still disappointed with yourself.
Are the currents carrying me out to sea? Or has it just been so long I’ve forgotten the way back to the shore?
Chris, Nathan, Nick and Ben are my support. And I love those guys. I did not fail to tell them almost a dozen times onstage at King King the other night.
This picture found me just in time.
I love you guys!
~Brenton
Related posts:
Love you too man! We got your back. It’s easy to confuse ambition and potential with negativity. Don’t worry your head about it. Dude and I do that all the time with the arguing other people’s points thing! We’re just really empathetic and can see different perspectives of things. Anyway, there really is nothing to be disappointed about, we kicked ass on Wednesday. My only issue now is just wanting that damn new strat immediately…hahaa!
“Passion will make you crazy, but is there any other way to live?” - Howard Hughes
And yes, you kicked major ass on Wednesday!
Passion can be a curse in that one should not do anything to an extreme…it must be done in moderation and in its own time. It would be easier to become a vessel of God than to force the passion of your own ego. Let infused knowledge be your guide and drop your passion to control your destiny. We are not in full control as much as our egos want us to be. Life is simplier whe we let go. The Law of detachment applies to passion. Brenton, continue to write to your Hearts content, Music/lyrics, plays, movie scripts, blogs, whatever. Focus on what comes easy and pull from your gut, your intuition, the infused perfection of Gods knowledge for you.